


I Love You, Goodbye

by chibi_onna



Series: Sad Songs to Rip Your Hearts Out With [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: ALSO WHILE VIKTOR WAS CRYING IN THE BEGINNING OF EP12, Angst, I CRIED LEGIT TEARS AT THE END OF EPISODE 11 OKAY, M/M, Viktor with a K, WHY DO I KEEP ON DOING THIS, bc it reads more naturally in Russian like this idk, ep11 thing, i needed this out of my system, i wanted to write fluff but this came out instead, short af but idc bc i don't want sads no more, someone help me, yeah that one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8976814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_onna/pseuds/chibi_onna
Summary: "Leaving someone when you love someone is the hardest thing to do when you love someone as much as I love you"
  orHow Yuuri came to decide to say the most awful string of words at the end of episode 11.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Yuri!!! On Ice is not mine. My skin is clear and my crops are watered all thanks to the genius that is Kubo-sensei and her amazing staff.
> 
>  
> 
> **~*~**
> 
>  
> 
>  **A/N:** I’ve held off from writing anything for YOI because I really wanted my first fic for the fandom to be either smut or fluff. However, Yuuri’s resolve and Viktor’s tears triggered the release of all the sad words swimming around in my head. It did not help that I recently heard Celine Dion’s song ‘I Love You, Goodbye’ covered by one of the most talented and emotive singers in my country today. Listen to it **[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD2EbuMmhzg)** from start to finish and you’ll see what I mean. 
> 
>  
> 
> **~*~**

* * *

The realization hit him like the cold burn of the arena against his skin after a failed jump.

 

_ I’m killing him. _

 

Eyes wide with horror at his discovery, Katsuki Yuuri stared at his coach’s back, the lines so familiar he could practically interpret Viktor’s emotions from the most miniscule of movements. Seeing the expression on his face as they sat among the audience was worse. Viktor’s eyes were oceans of wistfulness and longing reaching out to meet the ice, tinged with shades of lonely nostalgia. Yuuri’s heart clenched in his chest, a palpable pain piercing through his very soul. He looked down at his feet, brown eyes unseeing.

 

_ I’ve been so selfish all this time. _

 

Yuuri’s brow furrowed ever so slightly. He had never wanted anything this bad, never loved anyone this much, never felt the need to cling for dear life to another’s presence at his side like he did Viktor’s.  And he’d fought tooth and nail to be strong enough, be interesting enough, be alluring enough to steal Viktor away from the world that had staked its claim upon him.

 

The months following Viktor’s unexpected appearance at his home had been a whirlwind as far as stories go. They’d inched closer and closer together, hearts slowly finding the rhythm to beat in synchrony with each other. Yuuri had been so happy he could die if that didn’t mean being separated from this truly amazing person holding his glass heart oh so carefully in his hands. He wanted it to last forever, more than anything. Beyond forever, if that was possible.

 

But now, seeing the light dim ever so slightly in those blue eyes, seeing that sad little lilt of his lips in a poor shadow of a smile…

 

Yuuri had gone past the point of thinking solely about himself way back when Viktor needed to be by Makkachin’s side, pushing him away despite such a crucial moment because he  _ knew _ how it would destroy Viktor had their fears been realized. But even then, he wasn’t ready for the sheer desperation that rushed through his veins at the first sight of Viktor’s face after just a couple of days of separation, somehow powering his flight-stiff legs to move faster, pulled back into a bond stretched too taut, and later finding himself in a circle of arms that felt like home. And just like that, the greed he’d held back flowed freely, spilling forth from his lips in the form of  the words  _ please take care of me until I retire _ ; his heart soaring as it was reciprocated with a desire for something akin to the forever he’d wanted so bad it hurt.

 

Viktor had given him everything, but what had he given in return, really?

 

_ Nothing _ , he thinks. Disappointment, if that last short program was anything to go by. But he knew, at some corner of his mind that it wasn’t true. He knew Viktor like no one else did, and with the promise between them made even more real by the glint of gold in their fingers, he knew Viktor would hold on to it come what may—even if he lost parts of himself along the way. In the end, it would’ve been just as painful for them both if not more so than if they’d called it quits right then and there.

 

_ You could always just tell him that you’re all he'll ever need _ , the selfish monster in him whispered insidiously.

 

The shower had stopped running, and Viktor stepped into the room in a fluffy white robe, gently smiling at Yuuri as he took a seat across from him.

 

_ But that would be a lie. _

 

Engaging in small talk was only delaying the inevitable. But then again he was in no hurry to chip away at what was left of his own glass heart.

 

“By the way, Yuuri... What did you want to talk to me about?”

 

Yuuri’s already fragile heart shattered at the fissures from the heaviness of the treacherous words at the tip of his tongue, but he loved Viktor far too much to let the thought linger a second more. He steeled his nerves, clenching his fists and swallowing the lump forming in his throat.

 

_ I’m not the one you’re needing. _

 

“Right,” he braced himself.

 

_ I love you. _

 

“After the Final, let’s end this.”

  
_ Goodbye. _

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N:** I don’t even know. Tell me what you think, yeah?
> 
> If you feel like it, be friends with me. I’m [mybangsareblonde](http://mybangsareblonde.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


End file.
